how many of us do actually listen? listen to our colleagues, listen to our superior, listen to our sub ordinates, listen to your spouse and listen to our children? well, if you answer… “I do listen…” let me ask you… at what stage were you listening? i will go to that later…

now, i just want to share my experience… i was acting as an academic director last month. major thing that really struck me in my life experience is listening. i tried and have to improve my listening skill. why? because, almost everyday someone will come to me to pour their heart out or just to comment or complaint on anything… well, of course i can’t solve all problems, i think but at least i listened to them. maybe that helps…

well, what i learned from just being a listener is that i learned something new. some are life changing moment, some i even took their stories as advice for myself.

yesterday, a colleague of mine faced a very challenging moment in her life at the office. she came to me needing for me to lend her my ears. after she poured all her heart out, one thing i learned is that, we are not capable of doing everything right. but at least we do our very best. if the deeds does not return to us, it will surely return to our children. she said that the life of her children runs smoothly not because of what she had done to them. it was maybe because of the deeds that she had done before in her life in helping her students.

i asked one of my colleagues who has a background in education psychology in how to make our children listen to us? he said… “that’s simple, you need to listen to them”.

i was thinking… “geee, listening is a tough job.” it’s not easy to listen. because the way we listen, do give the impact on the responds we give. we would like our children to always come to us for everything… to share their joy and their sorrow… if we give them a bad reactions just because we don’t listen right, might be they will not come to us anymore.

i will be going to a seminar on monday in KL. i have received an executive summary by C.Otto Scharmer to read in preparing my state of mind. what makes me want to share my experience here in becoming a listener in the office and at home is that the author concluded that there are 4 types of listening…

listening 1: downloading
which it reconfirms on what you already knew. you knew the situation, and when someone came to you with their stories, it just reconfirms on the data you have.

listening 2: factual
it disconfirm on what you know and listen to any new data for you to process.

listening 3: empathic
is to understand the situation and you could see the situation through the person’s eyes.

listening 4: generative
is where you realize that you are not the same person after your conversation with that person. it changes your perspective even your believes.

so, how many of us listen to our children with empathic and generative ways? we as the parents always assume that we know more than them and we know what’s best for them. i admit, i always listen to my children either downloading or factual way. but never the empathic and generative way. who ever out there is listening to their children with empathic and generative ways… bravo!! i respect you.

if i can listen to my colleagues in empathic and generative ways, surely i can do the same for my kids.

Kids, i’m sorry. i’m in the learning process as well… in becoming a great mommy for both of you.