Category: raising angels


kids are creative

after facing almost the same scenario everyday… i concluded that my kids are very creative… not creative in arts or what so ever… but being very ‘creative’ in getting away with anything that they don’t like and find ways to get what they want…

as for my daughter this morning… (well, actually most of the mornings…) i caught that she didn’t like to make her bed and fold her blanket… what she always did was just roll up the blanket and put it under her pillow… ‘creative’ huh…

as for my son (goes to the day care centre at 8am), he likes to watch tv while having his breakfast and while i get ready for work. i always caught him watching cartoons especially tom & jerry and mr. bean which i really don’t actually encourage for him to.

so, today… he did promised me that he won’t watch cartoon before switching on the tv. i was getting ready for work while he’s having his breakfast. when i came out from my room… well… he didn’t switch on the cartoon channel. i was kinda relief by thinking that he walk the talk.

but… when i was having my breakfast, he changed the channel and watched mr. bean! i was kinda ok with that for a while until he changed to tom & jerry show… and the following dialog took off…

myself : “you promised not to watch cartoon today…”

my son : ” i just want to watch for a while. anyway, i couldn’t find any number for me to change.” (while looking at the remote control)

‘creative’ huh…

moral of the story for me is to always watch over my kids… always…

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friends

my daughter is in the learning process on understanding the concept of friend. but i’m not sure whether to emphasis on the concept now or later… or just let she experience herself.

this morning, i prepared breakfast and lunch box for my daughter. the statement of “this is not enough for my friends”… had really bothers me for a long time since last year. i began wondering the kind of friends she’s having? then, i started to nag / advice to her by saying that…

“you need to find a friend who likes you of who you are. not a friend who is taking advantage of you just because you bring her lunch everyday. i don’t mind you sharing, but i prepared this lunch box is for you and not your friend. i want you to have the energy to learn… i’m more concern about you… you may let your friend have a taste of your food but not get them full… i want you to get full, not your friend…”

was i too harsh on her? maybe she meant well… or i’m just being too protective of her… maybe i should just let her make some mistakes huh…

‘experience is the best teacher’

kids’ graduation ceremony

it comes me to thinking about kids’ graduation ceremony which most of kindergartens or primary schools conduct here. it occurs to me when i watched a movie titled ‘big daddy’, ‘stepmother’ and others. what i realized was that most of the what so-called “american movie”, the kids always do a historic play for their graduation or any ceremony in their school. it’s either about their independence day or thanks giving day.

i attended to my kids graduation ceremony for at least 3-4 times already. sadly, none of it include any of the malaysian history in their itinerary. it’s mostly all about “entertainment”. most kids are either to dance or sing for their presentation on the stage. there were no acting at all… at least a short play that could cultivate the kids patriotic spirit. in fact we can see lots of television programme which influenced our children towards mere entertainment.

so parents, if possible do suggest to your kids’ school or kindergarten to include any simple or short play for kids and not simply dancing or singing. it was just a thought of mine…

listen

how many of us do actually listen? listen to our colleagues, listen to our superior, listen to our sub ordinates, listen to your spouse and listen to our children? well, if you answer… “I do listen…” let me ask you… at what stage were you listening? i will go to that later…

now, i just want to share my experience… i was acting as an academic director last month. major thing that really struck me in my life experience is listening. i tried and have to improve my listening skill. why? because, almost everyday someone will come to me to pour their heart out or just to comment or complaint on anything… well, of course i can’t solve all problems, i think but at least i listened to them. maybe that helps…

well, what i learned from just being a listener is that i learned something new. some are life changing moment, some i even took their stories as advice for myself.

yesterday, a colleague of mine faced a very challenging moment in her life at the office. she came to me needing for me to lend her my ears. after she poured all her heart out, one thing i learned is that, we are not capable of doing everything right. but at least we do our very best. if the deeds does not return to us, it will surely return to our children. she said that the life of her children runs smoothly not because of what she had done to them. it was maybe because of the deeds that she had done before in her life in helping her students.

i asked one of my colleagues who has a background in education psychology in how to make our children listen to us? he said… “that’s simple, you need to listen to them”.

i was thinking… “geee, listening is a tough job.” it’s not easy to listen. because the way we listen, do give the impact on the responds we give. we would like our children to always come to us for everything… to share their joy and their sorrow… if we give them a bad reactions just because we don’t listen right, might be they will not come to us anymore.

i will be going to a seminar on monday in KL. i have received an executive summary by C.Otto Scharmer to read in preparing my state of mind. what makes me want to share my experience here in becoming a listener in the office and at home is that the author concluded that there are 4 types of listening…

listening 1: downloading
which it reconfirms on what you already knew. you knew the situation, and when someone came to you with their stories, it just reconfirms on the data you have.

listening 2: factual
it disconfirm on what you know and listen to any new data for you to process.

listening 3: empathic
is to understand the situation and you could see the situation through the person’s eyes.

listening 4: generative
is where you realize that you are not the same person after your conversation with that person. it changes your perspective even your believes.

so, how many of us listen to our children with empathic and generative ways? we as the parents always assume that we know more than them and we know what’s best for them. i admit, i always listen to my children either downloading or factual way. but never the empathic and generative way. who ever out there is listening to their children with empathic and generative ways… bravo!! i respect you.

if i can listen to my colleagues in empathic and generative ways, surely i can do the same for my kids.

Kids, i’m sorry. i’m in the learning process as well… in becoming a great mommy for both of you.

“The Leader In Me”

the book really gave me a great impact on how i see my life and on how i could mold my kids’ life. i strongly recommend you to read “The Leader In Me” by Stephen R. Covey.

the book is about a true life story of a school in USA who strive so hard in changing the student’s life from having social problems to kids who know their own responsibilities in life. it implemented the 7 habits introduced by the author. the 7 habits are:

  1. Be Proactive : Take responsibility for your life
  2. Begin with the End in Mind : Define your mission and goals in life
  3. Put first Things First : Prioritize, and do the most important things first
  4. Think Win-Win : Have an everyone -can-win attitude
  5. Seek First to Understand, Then to Be Understood : Listen to people sincerely
  6. Synergize : Work together to achieve more
  7. Sharpen the Saw : Renew yourself regularly

now, i’ve implemented the first habit to my daughter. be proactive..

one fine morning, she said to me… “mama, i’m proactive today. i made my bed without you telling me.” it’s a huge impact on me. however, since she’s still 8 years old and she only exposed this habit at home… i need to give her time to make sure the habit fills in her. i need to keep reminding her being proactive. however, i’m trying to find a better way to reward her for being proactive rather than just saying, “that’s great, honey!”